June 2010
The past few months have been busy but also very exciting. In March we were able to obtain title for our property that the Lord has provided for us to buy. This place is still in this same area 1-2 miles from where we live right now. In May we found a Christian contractor to build a fence around this property. Last week Cory spent a few days with these guys helping with cement work and putting up the chain link fence. I was blessed to have these guys take an interest in showing Cory what he can do to help and teaching him how to mix cement. I will be posting pictures on my blog.
We were blessed with another baby the first week of June. She was a premature baby and weighing three pounds nine ounces. This is the first time for me to hold and care for a tiny one like this. I thought Ellie was super tiny when she came to us with one ounce under six pounds. This little one was not registered so did not have a name. She was placed in a foster to adopt home and when the social worker came to pick her up she wanted to know once I come back from my trip this summer if I would continue helping them with foster children. I did assure her I would be back and look forward to taking care of more babies for them.
Thanks to everyone for praying that Cory would get his visas to travel this summer. We are excited to tell you that he was granted a ten year visa to the states and four year visa to Canada. The first weekend of July we have our big family reunion and look forward to seeing as many family and friends as possible. If you want to get in touch with me please feel free to email (which I will check hopefully every few days) or call me at my parents 204 385-2096
We are leaving Belize on the 29th of June and spending three weeks in Manitoba, Canada. Then on the 20th of July we will be flying to Sacramento and spending two weeks in the Sacramento, Chico, and Alta area. We will be in Chico from the 21st to the 24th and we also have plans to be at my niece’s wedding reception on the 31st in Sacramento. If you would like to get in touch with us while we are there you could call us at Barry & Judi’s 530 894-2722. We are looking forward to going to Calvary Chapel Chico on the 21st. You have no idea how excited Cory is to listen to Pastor Sam live in church.
Once again I want to thank you all for your love, support and most of all your friendship. We are so very blessed to call you our friends!! We are in awe of how God has truly taken care of us and for His provision for each and every need that came up.
Looking forward to seeing as many of you as we can.
We were blessed with another baby the first week of June. She was a premature baby and weighing three pounds nine ounces. This is the first time for me to hold and care for a tiny one like this. I thought Ellie was super tiny when she came to us with one ounce under six pounds. This little one was not registered so did not have a name. She was placed in a foster to adopt home and when the social worker came to pick her up she wanted to know once I come back from my trip this summer if I would continue helping them with foster children. I did assure her I would be back and look forward to taking care of more babies for them.
Thanks to everyone for praying that Cory would get his visas to travel this summer. We are excited to tell you that he was granted a ten year visa to the states and four year visa to Canada. The first weekend of July we have our big family reunion and look forward to seeing as many family and friends as possible. If you want to get in touch with me please feel free to email (which I will check hopefully every few days) or call me at my parents 204 385-2096
We are leaving Belize on the 29th of June and spending three weeks in Manitoba, Canada. Then on the 20th of July we will be flying to Sacramento and spending two weeks in the Sacramento, Chico, and Alta area. We will be in Chico from the 21st to the 24th and we also have plans to be at my niece’s wedding reception on the 31st in Sacramento. If you would like to get in touch with us while we are there you could call us at Barry & Judi’s 530 894-2722. We are looking forward to going to Calvary Chapel Chico on the 21st. You have no idea how excited Cory is to listen to Pastor Sam live in church.
Once again I want to thank you all for your love, support and most of all your friendship. We are so very blessed to call you our friends!! We are in awe of how God has truly taken care of us and for His provision for each and every need that came up.
Looking forward to seeing as many of you as we can.
March 2010
The Joy of our heart is ceased; our dance is turned into mourning. Lam. 5:15 I am writing this at the urging of my good friend, Parthenia, who has often encouraged me to share what the Lord has been teaching me about grieving since Brian's death. Parthenia has been a blessing and an inspiration to me so many ways. I am sending this out to you in the hopes that it will in turn somehow be a blessing and inspiration in your lives.To start off with I want to let you know the Lord has given me true joy and peace as this year (2010) began. My heart is full of thanksgiving for how He has shown Himself to me and taken care of me and my children over these past 2 years. He never fails and always reveals what we need to learn at exactly the right time. I am looking forward to seeing what He has for us this year!!Over the years as I have gone to numerous funerals, I have observed various aspects of grieving. A mother sharing the sadness and grief of losing her grown son; a mother grieving the loss of her small baby; a wife losing her husband or a husband losing his wife. I have been in awe when I see others rise up and continue their walk with the Lord when they have lost a loved one. Of course I never realized what they were going through until it happened to me.
Two months before Brian passed away a good friend came to help us with some construction on the church. We talked about many things, and one of the statements he challenged us with was that it is our choice if we are offended or not in any given situation. He said that no matter what anyone says or what kinds of insults get thrown at us it is always our choice how we react. This idea rolled over and over in my head for the next month and gradually the Lord confirmed to me that yes, it is my choice if I choose to be offended or hurt. It is my choice if I choose to forgive or not! No matter what is said or done against us, there is such freedom when we choose not to be offended or when we choose to forgive. Then Brian died and I quickly came to realize how true our friend's statement had been. There were many opportunities for the enemy to cause those around me to be offended with me for various reasons, and I had equal opportunity to be offended with them. Fortunately I was able to let stuff go remembering that, in any situation, being offended is always a choice.
Understandably, my initial reaction to Brian's death was shock at losing my husband and denial that he was really gone. The intense pain I felt throughout my body was hard to describe. I had difficulty making decisions or remembering conversations I had with people and know that I did not always make the best choices or react the right way. Sometime later, a number of people told me that they no longer visited because they were offended by something I had said to them, or felt that I had misunderstood something that they had said to me. Either way they did not understand the state I was in where normal thinking and communication was extremely difficult.
Some friends suggested that I should move out of Belize, or move to another area. But again, I was not in the place to be making major decisions such as these and more importantly God had not shown me this is what He wanted me to do.
Other well-meaning friends tried to keep me busy doing children's ministry and other things thinking if I kept busy ministering to others that would keep me motivated to live. But I was in no place to minister to others- I was just going through the motions of life itself! What I needed at that time was time to grieve and someone to cry with, someone who would listen with unconditional love and understanding.
Sometimes in their attempt to comfort us, well- meaning friends and family sometimes say things that hurt us. For example, knowing that you will see your loved one again because of their faith in the Lord Jesus is a truly a comfort- but it does not stop the pain of missing them. The shock of realizing that your loved one will no longer walk or talk on this earth is at times almost impossible bear. Whether you've lost a mom or dad, husband or wife, child or friend, the pain of not being able to share with them the joys and trials of your life anymore can be overwhelming at times. Trying to reassure us that our loved one isn't suffering anymore is not a comfort in the beginning of the grieving process. Of course, deep down inside we know they are not suffering, and we know they are in a much better place but the desire to jump in and wish they would take us with them is very strong! When a mother is grieving the loss of her babies, being told that "at least the babies don't need to experience the evils of this world" does not bring comfort. Again, these comments are not intended to hurt us- but they do and so it is important for those who mourn to recognize that they too have the choice whether to be offended or not.
God has shown me that we need to show each other mercy at all times. Even though we may not know what the other person is going through, we can at all times extend grace and mercy to one another and pray so our Father in Heaven will be glorified. "They will know we are Christians by the love we show one another." Life is way to short to hold a grudge, or to not reconcile. We need to remember that we do not need to be up in age in order to be taken from this earth. Tomorrow might never come for us. We might not have another opportunity to talk to the person we are offended with. It is a sobering truth that "Our heavenly Father will forgive us as we forgive others".
Another thing that the Lord has shown me is how important it is to take time to grieve. In the scriptures we read many times how people would put on sack cloth and ashes as a sign of the grief and sorrow. Isaiah 61:3 To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that He might be glorified. The Lord had deep compassion for us as He died on the cross and desired for us to live. He wept and understands the grief we go through. In John 11:35 Jesus wept. His tears here were not generated out of mourning, since He was to raise Lazarus, but out of grief for a fallen world entangled in sin-caused sorrow and death. He was a "Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief."
In my last update I told you about a family in our church who had lost their 34 year old son. When we went to visit the parents, his wife and children and other relatives were there as well. To hear a nephew cry out "why did you leave us"; or the mother "my son my son", was very heartbreaking. I spent days crying out to the Lord to give this family peace and for Him to wrap His arms around them as He is the only true peace. I prayed for a mother who lost her twin girls and even though it is over a year ago, her arms still long to hold and cuddle those babies that she will never train up. Even though we do not understand, as Christians we believe that God is in control and He does know best. Even though we know it was best for Denisha to be pain free we still miss her!
We need to allow ourselves to feel the pain, to grieve and not feel guilty doing so. God desires to draw us closer to Him and be our strength during these hard times. He molds us into the person He desires for us to be even though it takes time for us to go through each step. Psalm 55:22 Cast your burden on the Lord, And He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.
James 4:9-10 Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lordand He will lift you up.
As I've watched Cory go through the grieving process I've realized that how a child reacts to, and deals with, the death of a loved one, is quite different then the process we adults go through. After Brian's death, Cory made the occasional comment about how it was better for Brian now that he was in heaven, obviously trying to understand why it was good that his Dad had passed away. He also voiced the wish that he (Cory) had never come to our home. After reassuring him about how much I loved him and always would, I said that if he really felt that way I could talk to the social worker about placing him in better home. I think this was part of him was testing me and also trying to get his own way while not understanding the pain he was experiencing. Happily, he changed his mind and never mentioned it again. Then he went through a stage in which he felt that since his Dad was no longer here, he would never have fun anymore. This would be despite that fact that he might have spent the past few hours swimming or doing some other activity he enjoyed! When times were tough, only his Dad had really understood him! And of course, he has had to deal with the fear of something bad happening to me.
We tend to think that children get over change and death a lot quicker then adults do but, like us, they have to work through each stage of grieving in their own way. Now after two years I see a whole new stage in which Cory is able to talk about all the happy memories he had with his dad and actually open up about how much he misses him. And although there are still times when he shows anxiety about losing me, it's not nearly as strong as it was two years ago.
We both still have the pain of losing Brian- some days more than others even though we are going on with life and seeking what God desires from us. I am asking God to show me how I can provide a secure home for Cory, and more importantly teach him to put his total trust in God and not fear the unknown. Thanks so much for being there for us and for all your prayers
Two months before Brian passed away a good friend came to help us with some construction on the church. We talked about many things, and one of the statements he challenged us with was that it is our choice if we are offended or not in any given situation. He said that no matter what anyone says or what kinds of insults get thrown at us it is always our choice how we react. This idea rolled over and over in my head for the next month and gradually the Lord confirmed to me that yes, it is my choice if I choose to be offended or hurt. It is my choice if I choose to forgive or not! No matter what is said or done against us, there is such freedom when we choose not to be offended or when we choose to forgive. Then Brian died and I quickly came to realize how true our friend's statement had been. There were many opportunities for the enemy to cause those around me to be offended with me for various reasons, and I had equal opportunity to be offended with them. Fortunately I was able to let stuff go remembering that, in any situation, being offended is always a choice.
Understandably, my initial reaction to Brian's death was shock at losing my husband and denial that he was really gone. The intense pain I felt throughout my body was hard to describe. I had difficulty making decisions or remembering conversations I had with people and know that I did not always make the best choices or react the right way. Sometime later, a number of people told me that they no longer visited because they were offended by something I had said to them, or felt that I had misunderstood something that they had said to me. Either way they did not understand the state I was in where normal thinking and communication was extremely difficult.
Some friends suggested that I should move out of Belize, or move to another area. But again, I was not in the place to be making major decisions such as these and more importantly God had not shown me this is what He wanted me to do.
Other well-meaning friends tried to keep me busy doing children's ministry and other things thinking if I kept busy ministering to others that would keep me motivated to live. But I was in no place to minister to others- I was just going through the motions of life itself! What I needed at that time was time to grieve and someone to cry with, someone who would listen with unconditional love and understanding.
Sometimes in their attempt to comfort us, well- meaning friends and family sometimes say things that hurt us. For example, knowing that you will see your loved one again because of their faith in the Lord Jesus is a truly a comfort- but it does not stop the pain of missing them. The shock of realizing that your loved one will no longer walk or talk on this earth is at times almost impossible bear. Whether you've lost a mom or dad, husband or wife, child or friend, the pain of not being able to share with them the joys and trials of your life anymore can be overwhelming at times. Trying to reassure us that our loved one isn't suffering anymore is not a comfort in the beginning of the grieving process. Of course, deep down inside we know they are not suffering, and we know they are in a much better place but the desire to jump in and wish they would take us with them is very strong! When a mother is grieving the loss of her babies, being told that "at least the babies don't need to experience the evils of this world" does not bring comfort. Again, these comments are not intended to hurt us- but they do and so it is important for those who mourn to recognize that they too have the choice whether to be offended or not.
God has shown me that we need to show each other mercy at all times. Even though we may not know what the other person is going through, we can at all times extend grace and mercy to one another and pray so our Father in Heaven will be glorified. "They will know we are Christians by the love we show one another." Life is way to short to hold a grudge, or to not reconcile. We need to remember that we do not need to be up in age in order to be taken from this earth. Tomorrow might never come for us. We might not have another opportunity to talk to the person we are offended with. It is a sobering truth that "Our heavenly Father will forgive us as we forgive others".
Another thing that the Lord has shown me is how important it is to take time to grieve. In the scriptures we read many times how people would put on sack cloth and ashes as a sign of the grief and sorrow. Isaiah 61:3 To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that He might be glorified. The Lord had deep compassion for us as He died on the cross and desired for us to live. He wept and understands the grief we go through. In John 11:35 Jesus wept. His tears here were not generated out of mourning, since He was to raise Lazarus, but out of grief for a fallen world entangled in sin-caused sorrow and death. He was a "Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief."
In my last update I told you about a family in our church who had lost their 34 year old son. When we went to visit the parents, his wife and children and other relatives were there as well. To hear a nephew cry out "why did you leave us"; or the mother "my son my son", was very heartbreaking. I spent days crying out to the Lord to give this family peace and for Him to wrap His arms around them as He is the only true peace. I prayed for a mother who lost her twin girls and even though it is over a year ago, her arms still long to hold and cuddle those babies that she will never train up. Even though we do not understand, as Christians we believe that God is in control and He does know best. Even though we know it was best for Denisha to be pain free we still miss her!
We need to allow ourselves to feel the pain, to grieve and not feel guilty doing so. God desires to draw us closer to Him and be our strength during these hard times. He molds us into the person He desires for us to be even though it takes time for us to go through each step. Psalm 55:22 Cast your burden on the Lord, And He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.
James 4:9-10 Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lordand He will lift you up.
As I've watched Cory go through the grieving process I've realized that how a child reacts to, and deals with, the death of a loved one, is quite different then the process we adults go through. After Brian's death, Cory made the occasional comment about how it was better for Brian now that he was in heaven, obviously trying to understand why it was good that his Dad had passed away. He also voiced the wish that he (Cory) had never come to our home. After reassuring him about how much I loved him and always would, I said that if he really felt that way I could talk to the social worker about placing him in better home. I think this was part of him was testing me and also trying to get his own way while not understanding the pain he was experiencing. Happily, he changed his mind and never mentioned it again. Then he went through a stage in which he felt that since his Dad was no longer here, he would never have fun anymore. This would be despite that fact that he might have spent the past few hours swimming or doing some other activity he enjoyed! When times were tough, only his Dad had really understood him! And of course, he has had to deal with the fear of something bad happening to me.
We tend to think that children get over change and death a lot quicker then adults do but, like us, they have to work through each stage of grieving in their own way. Now after two years I see a whole new stage in which Cory is able to talk about all the happy memories he had with his dad and actually open up about how much he misses him. And although there are still times when he shows anxiety about losing me, it's not nearly as strong as it was two years ago.
We both still have the pain of losing Brian- some days more than others even though we are going on with life and seeking what God desires from us. I am asking God to show me how I can provide a secure home for Cory, and more importantly teach him to put his total trust in God and not fear the unknown. Thanks so much for being there for us and for all your prayers
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